Behavior Is Communication: But How Should We Respond?

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All behavior is communication. It can provide us important clues about a child and let us know that something is wrong or that something is missing.

Most behavior is driven by legitimate needs. It's just that kids (and many of us adults too) don't always have the skills and maturity to meet our legitimate needs in legitimate ways. But everyone wants to have their needs met.

A compassionate and caring educator looks beyond the behavior to see the need. So instead of getting frustrated, angry, or impatient, they are curious and understanding. They try to see things from a different perspective.

A student's behavior usually says more about what they're going through than what they're trying to put you through. How many times has a student acted out or shown up poorly because of environmental factors? Something happened at home, at the bus stop, or during lunch? 

Or maybe an inner battle is happening because of past trauma or hurt.

So how can we respond to better understand what is behind the behavior?

Try these ideas depending on the age of the student and the situation. Be curious in how you respond to the child.

1. "Talk to me about the meaning behind what just happened."

2. "Talk to me about what you wanted when that happened."

3. "Share what you were experiencing (or what you were feeling) when that happened."

Notice these responses are not delivered as questions, and they could be just as easily. I heard Mike Rutherford present earlier this week, and he made a great point about how questions can feel like they should have a right answer. They have more power to make us defensive than a statement.

Also, these prompts are completely open ended. Avoid asking questions that make assumptions or feel accusatory. So don't ask...

Are you having a bad day?

What happened to you?

Why did you do that?

All of these questions are unlikely to be helpful. They will probably make the situation worse or the student will be less likely to open up and be reflective. 

If we can help students better understand their own needs and behaviors, then we are helping them to develop important skills to self-regulate. Punishing behavior may ensure compliance to rules, but it doesn't teach kids how to manage their own behaviors.    

What do you think about this quick behavior tip? What else would you add to this advice? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

Three Ways Curiosity Makes You a Better Leader

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Curious leaders listen and make you feel supported, valued, and appreciated.

One of the best leaders I've known was also one of the most curious leaders I've known. He peppered me with questions from the first day I met him. He wanted to know my background, my story, my ideas on different topics. 

He was quick to ask, "What do you think?" about whatever we were discussing, and he was genuinely interested.

I always felt like I had a voice and my ideas mattered.

He made me feel much smarter than I actually am. It was motivating. It gave me energy to do more, to be more, and to ask more questions of the people in my circle. Curiosity is a game changer. It creates new ideas. It creates positive momentum.

Ask these questions to practice being a curious leader...

1. Who has been a big influence on you? Who inspires you?

2. What's something you're working on that you're excited about?

3. What would you do differently if you were principal? 

4. What's the toughest part of your job? 

5. What resources do you need to reach your goals?

6. How do you want your students to feel when they're around you?

7. How can I know if someone I'm speaking with would be a good connection for you?

8. Why did you choose to be a teacher/principal/etc.?

9. What's a book or movie that's inspiring to you?

No matter how the other person answers any of these question, be sure to take an approving, supportive stance. I guess you could ask these questions looking for a "correct" answer but that wouldn't be curiosity. That would be judgement. 

Be a learner, not an expert.

Curious leaders view difficulties and challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.

Poor leaders get frustrated by problems. Great leaders are fascinated by problems. They view challenges with a sense of wonder and awe and possibility. 

They focus on what they can learn from the problem. They don't get stuck as easily because they don't let what they can't do get in the way of what they can do. 

They invite others to work with them to solve the problem. They're open to creative solutions.

Curious leaders know the problem is not really the problem. They know the problem is really how we think about the problem. We can always control how we respond to the problem. 

Curious leaders believe every problem can be beneficial if we use it to learn and grow. Our struggles make us stronger.

Be fascinated, not frustrated. Shoutout to Dr. Rob Gilbert for sharing this idea on the Success Hotline.

Curious leaders have more empathy and embrace different perspectives.

Some leaders get offended when people behave badly or in ways they don't understand. They are quick to judge.

But curious leaders try to see things from the other person's perspective. They don't take things personally. They are not easily offended.

They try to understand poor behavior. They look past the behavior to try to identify a legitimate need the other person is trying to meet.

They don't assume they know another person's intentions. Instead, they invite the person into dialogue. They're curious about how the other person is experiencing the situation.

They don't judge. They try to understand.

Be curious, not furious.

Thanks to Dr. Bryan Goodwin for his work and inspiration around the importance of curiosity.

What are some other benefits of curiosity for effective leadership? What's a way curiosity has helped you? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

Avoid Getting Stuck: "What if" vs. "Even if"

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The fear of failure keeps many of us on the sidelines. Instead of pushing our limits and trying something new, we continue with the same habits and practices as they are. 

We tell ourselves our current ways are working. Our methods are time tested and proven because they get us consistent results. We try to get just a little better at the same things we've always done.

But just because the results are consistent doesn't mean they're the best results possible. People tend to reach a certain level of effectiveness and then get complacent. We're less willing to change.

However, excellence is never being satisfied with how things are. It's always pushing the limits. It's always seeking to learn, grow, and change.

Change demands we overcome our fears. Your fears are resisting your greatness.

What if I fail?

What if people don't like what I'm doing?

What if I get in over my head?

What if I don't have the talent or qualifications to make this work?

All of these "what ifs" are the resistance to your next level and making something great happen.

So instead of what if, reframe your resistance and think even if.

Even if I fail, I'll learn from it and keep going.

Even if people don't like what I'm doing, I won't give up.

Even if I get in over my head, I'll keep learning and problem solving.

Even if I don't feel like I have the talent or qualifications, I'll keep developing my talent and qualifications.

You have everything you need to pursue your excellence. Go for it. If you had no fear, what would you do?

What's something you've felt a nudge to do, but your "what ifs" keep knocking you back? How could you reframe these to "even ifs" and take your next step? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

The Purpose of School Isn't Preparing Students for College

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Recently I had the privilege of taking a few of our students to a career event at Bass Pro/Wonders of Wildlife in nearby Springfield, MO, one of the largest employers in our area. We got a behind the scenes tour of the incredible facilities and heard about many of the career opportunities available in the company.

As we listened for a couple of hours to the presentations from various department leaders, one thing stood out to me. Only one of the presenters indicated that students needed to go to college to get hired or have a successful career in the company. The one career field that demanded college was accounting.

Even more striking were the stories of these successful individuals. Many of them did not have a college degree themselves. For the few who did have a degree, they shared that they weren't working in an area related to their college degree. The successful completion of college was not key to their success. 

What was key to their success was what they did both prior to getting hired and especially after they were hired by the company. They continued to learn. They listened to mentors and watched what successful people were doing. They took advantage of opportunities. 

They had initiative, worked well with others, looked for ways to add value, and played to their strengths.

And they were passionate about what they were doing. Even if they weren't passionate about it at first, they became passionate about it. They developed their own love for their work and contribution.

The key to success is not college. And I'm certainly not against college. It makes sense for some students. It's necessary for some careers. And all students should be prepared for some type of postsecondary training as a result of their schooling. 

I used to think all students needed postsecondary education. I no longer believe that's true. I've seen too many of our graduates who are finding success, contribution, and fulfillment who went right to work out of HS. But the key is they went right to work with the right attitude and mindset. That's what matters most. 

The purpose of schooling is NOT preparing students for college or even for a specific career. The purpose of schooling is to prepare students to be continuous learners. To never stop learning. To be adaptable learners. To know their strengths. To be confident in their ability to tackle challenges, pursue passions, and overcome obstacles.

And by the way, if we focus on those things as the purpose of schooling, all of our learners will be far more prepared for college too, if they choose that path.

How would schooling change if we truly viewed developing continuous, adaptable learners as the goal? How might our curriculum be different? Our assessments? Grades? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

7 Characteristics of Learning that Cause Engagement and Empowerment

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A significant problem in education was amplified during the recent school closures across the country. As teachers scrambled to reach students with remote learning, successfully engaging students became an even bigger challenge than it normally was in the physical classroom.

And struggles with engagement were a huge problem already. Far too many students are not engaged in the learning process on a good day. But with distance separating us from our students, it became even more challenging.

So as we reflect on what worked and what didn't, we must return to the essential elements of engagement. As we prepare for the fall, we need to examine our instructional methods through an engagement lens.

How are we being intentional to design our classrooms or online experiences to make learning irresistible? That's a high standard. It may seem like it's an impossible standard. But if we aren't able to engage students in the learning process, we aren't going to be successful.

Too often it feels like we're struggling against students to get them to do what we need them to do instead of focusing on creating the conditions where they can be their best as a learner. 

We're successful only when our students are successful. And that means ALL students. So we must examine all of our practices through the lens of engagement and equity. We must create the conditions where all students can learn effectively.

If learning is a top priority, then making learning exciting and engaging and accessible must be a top priority too.

Now I know lots of things are barriers to learning aside from my list below. When remote learning became a thing, there were issues with internet and technology access, issues with adjusting to a new format for learning, and a whole variety of issues in homes and families across society that made giving attention to learning an incredible challenge.

But aside from those things, many of which we have no control over, we must design learning with these essentials in mind.

1. Curiosity

Learning begins with questions. It begins when your students realize a gap between what they know and what they want to know. Humans are naturally very curious and learning is completely a natural process. But when learning becomes simply an assignment to complete, it loses its variety, surprise, and wonder, and ultimately curiosity is stifled. Nothing destroys curiosity more than a worksheet or packet. That type of work gives students something to complete, not something to be curious about.

2. Relevance

Every learner is always seeking to understand the context and relevance of the learning. Why am I learning this? Is this important to me? We make decisions about where to focus our attention based on how we answer those questions. If we don't find it meaningful, helpful, interesting, or enjoyable, then we're not going to engage with it.

For too many kids, relevance feels like it's only to earn a grade or pass a class. And that's the end of it. They're just trying to make it through school instead of feeling like they're getting something meaningful from school. It doesn't feel relevant. So we must design learning experiences with that in mind. Students are asking these questions, "Why does this matter? Why should I care?" The answer should be more than, "Because it's on the test."

3. Choice

The lack of choice in learning leads to compliance, passivity, and apathy. Being human is making choices. It's been said the average person makes about 35,000 choices each day. 

If students aren't given the choice to have meaningful direction over their learning, they will likely choose anyway. They will choose to avoid it, resist it, or stop caring about it. For students to be excited about learning and invested in learning, they must feel like they have a real stake in it and real ownership over it.

Choice matters. Look for ways to increase student choice in "how" they are learning, "what" they are learning, "who" they are learning with or learning from. Choice in "where" they are learning and also "when" they learn. 

"The way a child learns to make decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions." -Alfie Kohn 

4. Identity

By the time kids get to high school, many of them have established a negative learning identity that is very difficult to overcome. The way they see themselves shapes how they choose to engage as a learner. Sometimes we don't see this internal dialogue they're having, but sometimes they also speak it out loud.

"I don't like reading."

"I'm not good at math."

"I'm not the type of person who participates in class."

"People like me aren't smart."

"School isn't for me."

A new one I've heard: "I can't learn online or with a computer."

I like to think every kid has a natural heart for learning that we have an obligation as educators to protect and nurture. But I fear that too often we are part of the problem. 

If we're not careful, well-intended interventions become a constant reminder of what a student isn't good at. Awards and public recognition only go to a certain type of student. A relentless focus on proficiency, test scores, grades, or honor roll, leads some to believe they aren't cut out for learning.

Which is worse, for a child to leave our schools without reaching proficiency on learning standards or to leave our schools with the belief they can't learn? For me, knowing their strengths and how they are smart is more important than checking off mastery of a standard.

As we build that confidence in learning, more kids are going to reach proficiency as a consequence of the focus being on the person, not on an arbitrary measure or data point. The focus needs to be on growth and nurturing strengths, not fitting all kids into the exact same academic box.

Every kid should be aware of their strengths as a learner, not just their weaknesses.

5. Competence

For students to engage in learning, it must be challenging but not too challenging. No meaningful learning happens without mild frustration. Some discomfort is part of the learning process. 

But when the learner is overwhelmed by the concept or the task, they are likely to do what most every human would do under the same conditions. They'll avoid the learning, turn their attention to something else, or act out in frustration.

If you haven't been to the gym for years and you show up and the trainer puts you through a workout like you're a CrossFit champion, you're not going back for the second workout, and you probably aren't even going to finish the workout. You physically won't be able to.

It's a difficult balance for teachers. Too much challenge is overwhelming. But too much scaffolding is enabling. 

What I have noticed is that kids can take on greater academic challenges when they really care about and connect with what they are learning. For instance, a student will push through a text that is above their reading level if the topic and content captures their imagination.

6. Connection

Relationships matter for learning in undeniable ways. When I reflect on the most powerful learning experiences I had as a student, the connection I had with my teachers was significant.

I viewed the teacher as someone who cared about me, who could help me, who was a mentor to me. I wanted to be more like the teacher. I could relate to them and connect to who they were as a person.

I felt like they valued me, believed in me, and wanted the best for me. I didn't feel like they just wanted something from me. They opened me up to new possibilities.

What I've found is the people in my life who influenced me the most were the people who believed in me. Even if I wasn't the best, strongest, smartest, or whatever, they had a way of showing that they believed in me. I want to be that person for my students, and I hope you do too.

At its very essence, learning is social. We are meant to learn with others, from others, and to also be able to contribute to the learning of others. Every kid has something to offer to the learning of the other students in the classroom. How are you elevating these voices as the teacher?

Every kid is trying to answer these questions every day:

1. Am I important to someone here? 

2. Do I belong here? 

3. Am I good at something here? 

4. Who will listen to me here? 

5. Is my presence here making a difference?

I'm not sure if it's true that students can't learn from teachers they don't like. I remember one teacher I didn't like at all, and I'm pretty sure I still learned some stuff from her. 

But what I am certain about is that students will learn even more from teachers they like. They will learn even more when they buy into the person who is teaching them.

7. Feedback

I remember submitting a paper in college and when it was returned from the professor I noticed there was nothing on the front page. I started flipping through the pages, looking for comments, or markings, or anything. 

On the very last page, at the conclusion of my very last paragraph, there was one thing written, simply a "B."

What the heck, I thought! It wasn't that I was that terribly disappointed with the "B." But I was just frustrated there wasn't any other comment or justification for the grade.

And this was feedback after the learning had taken place. It was the type of feedback I was most familiar with as a student. It was rare during my years of schooling to have feedback from the teacher during the learning. And yet this is the most powerful kind.

There's been a lot written about feedback for learning in recent years. I highly recommend Dylan Wiliam's work on this topic. His book Embedded Formative Assessment is one of the best books on pedagogy I've ever read. And the title is riveting, right?

I noticed Bill Ferriter posted this great quote from Wiliam: 

One of the most important reminders that I ever picked up about giving students feedback came from @dylanwiliam : Our goal when giving feedback is not to change the WORK. Our goal when giving feedback is to change the LEARNER. #trudatchat

— Bill Ferriter (@plugusin) July 16, 2020

Learners need feedback throughout the process of learning, to be more effective in the learning but also to be more engaged in the learning. Feedback guides and encourages the learner. It gives direction, but it also says keep going.

Student work becomes more meaningful when it's not just about turning in the assignment, finishing the task, being done with this so we can move on to the next thing. Learning is most meaningful when there is a cycle of sharing and revision and growth that is reviewed and made visible in the classroom.

One note here: Not all of this feedback has to come from the teacher. In fact, it's often just as effective when the feedback comes from other students or another third-party. When students know their work will be shared with an audience for feedback, it brings new purpose and meaning and contribution to the work.

I hope this post challenges you and gives you some things to think about related to engaging and even empowering students as learners. If we are striving to make learning irresistible, even when we fall short of that, we can know we're prioritizing the right things.

Our kids need to be engaged and empowered as learners and have experiences in school that make them want to learn even more.

What's your response to this post? What else would you add to this list? What have you found to be most effective for engaging students? How are you growing in this area? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

Share Understanding and Spare Pain

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Like many of you, I've had so much on my mind lately. I have several blog posts upcoming that will express more of what I'm feeling. But I wanted to share this quick bit with you. 

If we only read and share things that confirm our current thoughts, feelings, and beliefs...

If we only pursue our own certainty and confirmation of our current way...

If we only listen to the stories of people who are like us...

If we only seek to debate "the others" and don't really listen to them...

If we gather in our tribes and seek opponents instead of allies...

If we dismiss, diminish, deny, or invalidate the pain of others...

If we avoid the things that make us uncomfortable or that are painful...

If we don't question ourselves deeply, our motives, our hearts, our privileged lives...

Then we will never grow, and we will never love more deeply, and we will spread even more pain in this pain stricken world.

How can we develop a spirit of curiosity and empathy for others? Leave a comment below or respond on or . I would love to hear from you.

Combine Your Skills With Technology

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The best advantage is the ability to combine your human abilities with the best tools available.

In the world of chess, the best players in the world can no longer beat the best machines in the world.

However, a combination of top players with machines can nearly always defeat a machine-only opponent.

Even more impressive, a slightly above average chess player teamed with a machine can defeat the top computer chess algorithms in the world.

Some people push for technology like it's the answer. But technology doesn't usually solve problems alone. 

Although technology is getting smarter every day, it's most effective when people leverage the technology to solve problems.

It's the combination of well-developed human skills and the effective use of technology advancements that will lead to the best opportunities.

What does this mean for modern learning? How are you taking into consideration the tools your students have at their fingertips?

If students don't learn to leverage their skills with technology, they will always be at a disadvantage.

Learning must consider the world our students live in, and we mustn't cling to the world we grew up in.

If you’re teaching just as you were taught, you’re basically teaching in a time capsule. 

And as a result, your students will be precisely prepared for a world that no longer exists.

How are you teaching your students to leverage technology? How have modern tools changed what is taught or how it is taught in your discipline? Leave a comment below or respond on or .