The first priority in creating a positive classroom environment and limiting problem behaviors is to develop positive relationships. That's absolutely essential.
The second priority is to clearly establish expectations, for students and teachers. And that's a necessity also. Both teachers and students should know what to expect.
Building relationships and communicating expectations must be tended to daily. Both are critically important. We have to constantly build relationships and communicate expectations.
But what happens when things go off the tracks a little? How do you address those moments when it's not working well? The following are phrases I use when meeting with a student to work on a behavior concern. I gave a brief description of how and why I might use the phrase.
Set a Positive Tone
1. "I will never intentionally disrespect you."
This is one of my favorite phrases. I want kids to know I intend to show them respect. The implied message is I also expect you to show me respect.
2. "I believe in you."
Kids can't here this enough. It's important to establish positive intentions.
3. "I won't give up on you."
If a child feels you don't accept him or her, you aren't going to get their trust. Sometimes I even say, "I don't approve of what you did, but I will always accept you and be here to help you."
4. "Let's work together to solve this."
All of the problem-solving in working through an issue shouldn't come from the teacher. It's not me vs. you. It's us vs. the problem.
Address the Issue
5. "I was puzzled when you..."
Approach the situation with a sense of curiosity instead of approaching it with judgment, frustration, or anger.
6. "What do we do here when...."
Remind the student of the expectations. "What do we do here when it's time for bell work?" Then work with the student to verbalize the expectations.
7. "What should you have done differently?"
How did your behavior not meet the expectation? Help the student think through what behavior would have been acceptable in the situation.
8. "How did you intend for that to make ______________ feel?"
This is another one of my favorite questions. I often will use this to hold kids accountable if they do something disrespectful to me or someone else. "When you roll your eyes at me when I'm talking with you, how do you intend for that to make me feel? I care about you, and I feel sad or disappointed when you do that."
9. "How did you feel at the time?"
I also want kids to know I care how they are feeling and that feelings can be strong and make us want to do things we shouldn't do. But we are still responsible for our actions.
10. "That seemed upsetting to you."
Paraphrasing is important. Again, validate how the student is feeling but help them know they are still responsible for their actions.
11. "I hear what you are saying. I'm listening."
If you want to help deescalate a situation, make sure the person is feeling heard. Not feeling heard is a sure way to keep the two side apart.
12. "Is it possible that...?"
Help introduce new possibilities to the situation. Kids, and adults for that matter, can get locked into seeing a situation from only one perspective.
Decide on a Path Forward
13. "What should you do when ___________________?"
This questions can be helpful to brainstorm how the student could respond to certain triggers.
14. "What will you do next time?"
It's very important to get a plan that is future-focused. Too often, behavior is handled by just giving consequences. Punishments focus on the past. We want to build toward better future decisions, too.
15. "When will you do it?"
It's just another question to be very intentional about planning for next time. Looking for things like, "I'll do it the first time I'm asked."
16. "What do you need to do now to make this right?"
This question is very important. There may need to be an apology. There may need to be some other action right now to address the problem.
17. "Would you like to _________________ or ____________________?"
Choices are really good for providing some agency while also limiting behavior to acceptable options.
18. "Can I count on you to do that?"
This question is very important. After I discuss with a student the path forward, I will follow up with this one. I want to make sure they are fully committed to our agreement.
19. "Okay, but in case you don't, what do you think are fair consequences?"
The student also needs to consider there will be consequences if the agreement is broken.
Reflect on the Conversation
20. "What's your understanding of what we decided together?"
This question requires students to provide a summary of what was decided.
21. "Do you feel that you've been treated fairly?"
Students may not always be happy when we are finished dealing with an issue, but I want them to feel they have been treated with fairness and respect. If they leave feeling disrespected, it is not going to help them be ready to make changes in their behaviors.
I hope these questions are good reflection for you as you work with students and solve problems. But I want to hear from you. What questions would you add to this list? What are some of your best tips for dealing with difficult situations? Leave a comment below or respond on Twitter or Facebook.
I recently learned of the story of John Berry Meachum, a figure in Missouri history I previously knew nothing about.
He was born into slavery in Virginia, but at the age of 21 earned enough money as a carpenter to purchase his own freedom and a short time later the freedom of his father.
Throughout his life he had an entrepreneurial spirit. He would purchase the freedom of slaves and most would pay him back. He eventually came to live in St. Louis, where he founded the African Church.
There he taught religious and secular classes to free and enslaved black students. The location for the classes was known as "The Candle Tallow School."
In 1847, the state of Missouri banned education for all black people. Clearly, one would expect this oppressive law to have a devastating impact Meachum's school.
But Meachum was not dissuaded. In response, he moved his classes to a steamboat in the middle of the Mississippi River, beyond the reach of Missouri law.
He provided the school with a library, desks, and chairs and called it the "Floating Freedom School."
John Berry Meachum showed the determination and innovation needed from all educators. We cannot let our circumstances stand in our way. We all face challenges every day. We have to be willing to think creatively and take risks to create a better future.
What if Meachum just threw up his hands and quit?
What if he felt sorry for himself because of this terrible injustice?
What if he retreated to something safe instead of taking a risk?
He had a dream to educate blacks in his community and nothing was going to stop him. I admire his passion and commitment.
One of my favorite illustrations is from best-selling author Austin Kleon. It communicates so well the risk that is required to pursue something better.
Most people see the difference between what is and what could be, but not everyone is willing to make the leap. Not everyone takes action. But leaders do.
You can be a leader in your school when you step out and take a risk. If you want to be a difference maker, you have to be a risk taker.
Don't be satisfied with the status quo. Be a future-driven risk taker.
Be focused on the future, not stuck in the past. Meachum would never have taken the bold risks he took if he were filtering his actions through the past. He was doing something that was largely unheard of because he wanted a brighter future for the people he served. His dream was bigger than yesterday.
Believe there is probably a better way to do just about everything. It may seem that things are just the way they are. Our circumstances are fixed. But there are so many ways to approach a problem. Even when things are bleak, think like Meachum. Find a way. Try something new.
Learn from your setbacks but don't be defined by them. When you take risks, sometimes you are going to get knocked down. But even your failures can lead to future greatness. Many of the greatest world-changers of all-time also experienced incredible hardships and disappointments.
Are you taking risks as an educator? Or, are you settling for the status quo? You are needed as a change maker.
How can we inspire educators to take more risks? How can we overcome the obstacles that stand in the way? I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.
In writing my new book Future Driven, I shared many of the great things I see educators doing that are changing education for the better and helping to prepare students for the world they are facing. And we all know it's a challenging, complex world out there.
In spite of the immense challenges, I remain very hopeful for the future. And I believe educators are making a huge difference every day to help kids be ready to thrive. But of course, there is plenty more work to be done. In this post, I share a list of things that are themes from my book. If you share these ideals, you're likely a future driven educator.
1. You are not satisfied with the status quo.
You want to take action now to help create a better future. You believe the choices you make today are helping to create a better tomorrow for you and your students. You want to make a difference and add value to others.
2. You believe in the power of building strong relationships.
You know everything rises and falls on the quality of relationships in your classroom in school. You seek to lift up others, bring people together, and connect in authentic, meaningful ways. And no matter how great you believe your relationships are, you are always striving to make them better.
3. Your methods are less important to you than your mission.
You are passionate about kids and learning. Your mission is bold and daring. You want to be a change maker. You want to make learning irresistible for kids. You don't hang on to practices because they work best for you. You explore new practices because they might work best for kids.
4. You want your students to learn more than content.
You don't just develop great lessons. You develop great experiences. You want students to think deeply and develop perseverance, empathy, creativity, and curiosity. You want learning to connect to students' lives in authentic, meaningful ways.
5. You want your students to love learning more than they fear mistakes.
You are willing to take risks and learn from mistakes and you encourage your students to do the same. You know learning is messy. Mistakes are part of the process, and perfectionism is often the enemy of progress.
6. You are mindful of changes in the world.
We are in an era of accelerating change. The world in a complex, uncertain place. You know it's important for you to be aware of how these changes will impact your students' futures. You chart the course for learning with the new realities of the world in mind.
7. Your students know you believe in them.
When your students know you believe in them, it brings out the best in them. Your encouragement makes all the difference. The person who influences you the most is the person who believes in you. They will rise to your expectations. You see them for who they are becoming and not just who they are right now. You see a bright future for your students.
8. You have a long term perspective.
You do what's best for your students in the long run. You see your work as an investment in a brighter future and a better tomorrow. Some people hold onto the past and the good ole days. Others are only concerned with the pressing matters of today. But you see out into what could be and want to help make it happen.
9. You believe students should be more excited about learning tomorrow than they are today.
When students develop passion for learning, it doesn't just impact the here and now. A passionate, skilled learner is able to handle just about anything life throws at them.
10. You believe learning is for life and not just the next grade level.
Being a student is temporary, but learning is for life. We are just getting students ready for a test, or college, or a career. We are preparing them for anything they might face.
11. You are always striving to grow and learn.
You aren't waiting around for your school to 'develop' you. You take ownership for your own personal and professional growth. You want to keep getting better so your students can be better too. You know when teachers are growing, that's the best school improvement plan ever.
12. You want to inspire your students to create a brighter future and a better world.
Your students aren't just ready for the future, they are ready to make a difference in the future. Pursuing truth, justice, and equality are essentials for you. You are helping to create the future by inspiring your students to be world changers.
13. You believe your attitude sets the tone.
You model the attitude and mindset you want to see in others. You are positive even when things are tough. You give of yourself to others without expecting anything in return.
14. You want to connect with other educators.
We are each other's best resources. We must be collectively awesome. You want to partner with others and work together to create better schools and unstoppable learning. Nothing's more powerful than a group of committed educators who believe they can solve any problem together.
15. You see yourself as a leader.
When you see something that could be better or a need that could be met, you are willing to step forward and lead. You are the type of person others want to follow, not because you have a position or title, but because of the strength of your character.
16. You see yourself as a digital leader.
You know that our world is increasingly digital and that seismic shifts are happening as a result of technological innovation. You want your students to know how to leverage their skills using digital tools. You want to model digital learning.
17. You value better thinking, not just right answers.
You start with questions and look to push thinking deeper. You want your students to be adaptable learners and skilled critical thinkers. It's not just about getting a right answer. It's about learning to solve problems and create knowledge.
What else is important to you as a future driven educator? Your voice matters. I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.
