When students act out, don't ask 'why' (the reason may surprise you)

While doing some reading recently, an idea really caught my attention in a practical way for dealing with harmful student behaviors. In the past I've often asked students why they did what they did in a particular situation. Why did you say that to the teacher? Why did you act in a way that was not kind? Why did you cheat? Why were you disrespectful? Whatever the particular situation, one of my first instincts is to ask the student to explain why they did what they did.

And it's no wonder I'm inclined to ask this question. It is our natural line of thinking. We are taught from childhood to use justification and judgment to explain away our bad behavior. Not a good thing. In fact, it's one of the most common ways people avoid personal responsibility.

So when we ask 'why', aren't we really asking for justification of a bad behavior? Does it really matter why we did it? The last thing I want to do is reinforce the belief that if you have a good enough reason it is okay to act in a way that is harmful to others. Unfortunately, this belief is pervasive in our culture, but it is a belief that causes more pain and damages more relationships.

Instead of asking why, try this approach instead. Simply ask the student what happened? And then, instead of asking why, ask what they might have done differently, "What do you think you should have done?" Keep the focus on their behavior and not the underlying motivations. As soon as a person feels judged for their motives, they will feel rejected and look to shift the blame. When we focus on what happened and how it had an impact on others, we encourage full responsibility.

If we truly want our students to grow and learn from their mistakes, we need to keep the focus on the choices they make and how decisions impact self and others.

These ideas are drawn from How to Stop the Pain by James B. Richards. Thanks to @RobbyHoegh for recommending the book. It is a fantastic read with Biblical principles on the harm of judging others, and the harm of giving power to the judgments of others in our lives. It's filled with wisdom for developing healthy mindsets and loving relationships.

12 characteristics that make you a teacher-leader

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As a principal, it is important for me to remember that the success we experience in our school is thanks to the efforts of teachers and students, along with all the others who contribute to the life of a school. When I use the word success, I use it in the sense that we are growing and learning as a school and changing in ways that allow our students to have more meaningful experiences, ones that will better prepare them for their future.

I'm extremely blessed to work with teachers who desire what's best for students and actively challenge the status quo and look for opportunities to improve themselves, their classrooms, and our school overall. It's important to recognize that teachers are leaders too. They make an impact on the learning experience of their own students, but they also influence the culture and climate of a building.

The actions of teacher-leaders have impact beyond their classroom. They influence the whole school and likely have influence far beyond the school. A teacher-leader has a legacy of helping others and making the teaching profession stronger overall.

I spent some time thinking about the qualities of teacher-leaders. Maybe you will think of others to add to my list.

1. Teacher-leaders are teaching-geeks. They love to discuss pedagogy and how they can improve the learning for their students.

2. Teacher-leaders are lead learners. They seek out opportunities for professional learning from a variety of sources such as edcamps, graduate courses, or through a Twitter PLN. As principal, I consider myself a lead learners, but all of our teachers should be lead learners too.

3. Teacher-leaders seek out critical feedback. They want to know ways they can improve, and they seek out this information. We may not enjoy critical feedback, but it's necessary information for us to improve. Leaders use negative feedback to get better.

4. Teacher-leaders have a voice. In order to influence others, teacher-leaders are socially connected and respected. Their peers see them as walking-the-walk and talking-the-talk. They build relationships and friendships with their colleagues.

5. Teacher-leaders champion the work. They infuse energy into conversations about change and growth. They aren't afraid to take on new challenges or have difficult conversations.

6. Teacher-leaders ask questions. They don't automatically go along with every idea that is presented, whether from administration, central office, or the state department. But they ask questions that will create dialogue and cause thinking. They don't ask questions to tear down, destroy, or self-protect. There is a big difference!

7. Teacher-leaders serve others. They seek ways to help other teachers succeed and often put their own needs second to the needs of their students and their fellow teachers.

8. Teacher-leaders are positive. Even during negative situations, teachers who stay positive will have the greatest positive impact. It's easy to stay positive when things are going well. Leaders stay positive when it's rough.

9. Teacher-leaders stand for what's right. If something is happening in a school that is harmful to students or to learning, they will use their influence to work against the harmful action. They will even stand against administrators or fellow teachers if needed, but they will always do it in a way that is respectful and preserves dignity.

10. Teacher-leaders have purpose. They view their work as meaningful and want to be part of something bigger than themselves. As a result, school communities are made stronger by their commitment to the team.

11. Teacher-leaders take time to reflect. They think carefully about the work they do and the collective work of the school. What worked well and what are opportunities for improvement?

12. Teacher-leaders embrace change. They aren't stuck in any way of thinking but are open to listen and consider new ideas. They will try new things and share with others the results of these new possibilities. They are innovators and have a spirit of adventure.

Does Professional Dress Matter For Teachers?

This topic has been in my list to blog about for quite a while. It’s not an easy issue and not at the top of the priority list, but it is worth discussing for several reasons. First off, how people dress matters. It creates a first impression and a daily impression. Fair or not, we are judged by how we look, including how we dress. Dress can communicate a sense of importance about what we are doing and can influence the importance others perceive about our work. And since educators are too often looked upon as second-class professionals, isn’t it important to combat that image in every way possible?

You should know I don’t spend much time or energy working on teacher dress expectations (and for the most part they dress for success). I’ve written encouraging emails a few times over the years, but for the most part I’ve had other causes I’ve championed far above this one. Maybe that’s why this blog entry was worthwhile to me. While other things may be more important it doesn’t mean that an issue like this isn’t important at all. My blog gives me a platform to explore even the topics that aren’t at the forefront of my “principal agenda.”

I’ve talked with my wife about this issue more than just about anyone. She is also a teacher, but works in early childhood special education. She often reminds me of the contextual difference for elementary teachers who need to get on their students’ level. Certainly, appropriate dress is dependent on the type of work an educator is doing. She is a fashion expert in my eyes. She always looks great! One of her frustrations is the blanket prohibition on jeans. She argues that jeans can look very professional and put together when paired with a blazer and the proper accessories. I soooo love our fashion talks. :)

My perspective...

1. I want my students to know they are important enough for me to dress up to meet with them. What we are doing is important, and therefore I will dress differently for them than when I go to the store or to the movies.

2. I want my students to understand how to be successful involves making a good impression by how one presents himself or herself. That includes what we say, how we stand, eye contact, and also how we dress. We must dress appropriate to our context. In many workplaces there are specific expectations for dress. Nearly 20 years ago I was required to wear a collared shirt to my job in a grocery store. Shouldn’t teachers far exceed this standard?

3. So why don’t all teachers dress for success? I think some teachers believe that as long as I’m a good teacher (maybe even a great teacher), it doesn’t matter what I wear. Maybe they just value their personal preferences over setting a standard of excellence in this area? Some teachers may not really know how to dress for success? It was never modeled in their home as a child perhaps?

Side note: I fear there are many decisions that are made more for personal preference than for what is best for learning. Some of these have far greater consequences than teacher dress. However, we should seek to challenge all areas that are not promoting learning or improved opportunities for students.

4. I’ve observed that some of the teachers who “dress down” as much as they possibly can are also ones to complain about student dress or hold students to extremely strict “non-academic” standards. For example, when we were discussing if students should wear hats or not inside our building, some of the teachers who are most casual in their own attire were most outspoken that students should NOT be allowed to wear hats.

5. It’s not hard to see all of the assaults on the teaching profession in the media. There have been cover articles of major magazines titled, “Why we must fire bad teachers” and “Rotten Apples” that basically blast the profession. I’ve seen the profession referred to as glorified babysitting on Twitter. We have to remember that our actions can either invite criticisms of our profession or combat them. One way we can stand up for teaching is by treating our work in a professional way. We need educators representing our profession positively in every possible way, not just the ones that are natural or convenient for you.

So how should schools deal with these issues? Should we require teachers to wear suits and ties and strict business attire? I would say absolutely not. I don’t want teachers to dress professionally because they are mandated to do so. I want them to do it because they believe it will help them and help their students and make the profession more respectable.

Besides, I don’t want to have my focus as a leader on a strict dress code that will consume my time to monitor and enforce. We need some basic expectations for dress, but we need adults to choose to exceed the basic expectations. Isn’t that what we want from our students? Don’t just slide by with the least expected. Make every decision to do what is best for students, learning, and the profession.

Question: What are your thoughts on professional dress for teachers? Does it matter to you? Leave a comment or share on and .